Over time you've learnt to put yourself down in situations, and over time you will learn to not. Forgiveness isn't a one time event, and so are many other things such as this for that matter. Have you ever wondered where the old bottles go after they've been filled with your emotions? They don't just disappear, I don't think. The thing is, things and events just, ends. And the earth keeps spinning and life goes on, but the feelings and emotions that came with it, and the impact it's had on you as a person is usually just pushed back instead. They never really go away. I remember people telling me that bottling things up are no good. Maybe they're right. Maybe the bad memories that you couldn't remember are still in there somewhere, hidden in the deepest depths of the attic in your subconscious mind. For what reason, only you know. But one day, eventually, you will have to go back in there and re-visit those memories in order to move on. You know that, right?